


Anti-kink: Sex toys

by ash_carpenter



Series: Anti-kink [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:05:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ash_carpenter/pseuds/ash_carpenter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Next cross-posting of anti-kink fic  (series archived <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=ash_carpenter&keyword=Anti-kink&filter=all">here</a> on LJ)! Got to get the backlog posted before the new one can come out! :)</p>
<p>The boys want to try some sex toys. Amazingly, it all seems to be going successfully! Apart from the embarrassing trip to the sex shop, Sam's green-eyed monster, the discovery of a pretty serious design flaw - and a maid who might need a lifetime of therapy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anti-kink: Sex toys

** Sex Toys **   
  


  
“Hey, look at this.”

Against his better judgement, Sam leaned over so that he could see the screen his brother had been staring at with wide-eyed fascination and a dirty grin.

Although Dean had earphones in to absorb the high-pitched, chipmunk-esque grunting, Sam wasn’t overly surprised to see little naked cartoon people humping on screen. He hadn’t really been expecting to see two ecstatic plump-cheeked girls with a double-ended dildo, however, and there was a good possibility that he was even more scarred for life than usual.

“Oh, dude, come on...” Sam made a face at the anime and then glared disdainfully at his brother. 

“What? You’re such a prude. I was just thinking that we should try it.”

Sam tried to gauge whether Dean was serious, eyes shooting up to his hairline. “You do realise that there are some fairly serious flaws in your plan, right?”

“Like what?”

“Well, last I checked,” drawled Sam with heavy sarcasm, “neither of us have vaginas.”

Dean made a slightly sceptical face, looking Sam up and down and glancing pointedly at his hair, but simply shrugged and grinned at the bitchface he received in response. “So? Not to point out the obvious or anything, but we have managed to find another slot for our tabs, if you get what I’m saying.”

Sam wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, thanks Dean, I get it. In fact, the neighbours probably get it too, even without the helpful hand gestures. Can you turn that down?” His brother was practically yelling. 

Dean gestured at his earphones in his most especially obnoxious way. “Sorry, Sammy, can’t hear you.”

“Douchebag.”

“Hey!”

“Heard that fine, huh?”

“What was that...?”

“God, you are such an ass,” complained Sam, slamming the lid down on Dean’s laptop. 

“Dick! I was watching that.”

“You wanna go to the sex shop or not?”

Dean gaped at him for a moment, shocked at the unexpected easy acquiescence. Sam just stared back mildly, throwing out his most passive-aggressive challenge.

Dean imagined wiping the subtly superior expression off his face with a good, old-fashioned dildo-up-the-ass. 

“I’ll get my jacket.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean eyed the stairs that Sam was trying to lure him down dubiously, barely resisting the urge to draw his weapon for the descent into the darkened space.

He’d been in a few sex shops, but only really in the skin mag and video sections. As far as he knew, boys didn’t generally use toys on themselves – and he’d learned early in life never to purchase anything that he’d be embarrassed for his father or brother to find anyway. (Like pink satin panties. For completely theoretical example. Ahem.) And as for toys to use on girls, Lisa was the only woman he’d been close enough to for those kind of games, and she’d already had a collection of her own. 

Finally, he manned up and followed his little brother into the depths of the store, eyes practically bugging out of his head when confronted with the sheer volume of merchandise on offer. He wasn’t too proud to admit that he had no idea what at least half of the stuff was even for. 

“Dude? What’s that?”

Sam looked over. “It’s a butt plug.”

“Uh-huh. Why does it have that curly thing on the end of it?”

“Um...I think that’s a pig’s tail.”

Dean nodded slowly, nonplussed. “Right. Obviously.”

Shaking his head, Dean walked down the aisle, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all of the possibilities, most of which he didn’t have even the slightest inclination to explore. Picking up some metal and plastic contraption that looked like it belonged in an indoor plumbing system, he waved it at Sam. “What the hell do you do with this?”

“I don’t think you want that.”

“You don’t know; I might,” said Dean, not wanting to come off looking all vanilla or something. He turned the mystifying object over in his hands. A weapon, maybe...?

“It’s a cock cage.”

Dean fumbled the cage and almost dropped it on the floor, glaring when Sam laughed at him and practically throwing it back on the shelf. Yeah, okay, he totally didn’t want that.

He noticed Sam picking up a slim metal rod with a curious frown, turning it over to read the back of the packaging. A few seconds later, his face turned an endearing mixture of disturbed and disgusted and he quickly shoved it back where it came from.

“What was that?” asked Dean.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“No, come on...”

Sam sighed. “A ‘sounding rod’. Apparently, you shove it into your urethra.”

“Your ur...Wait. Isn’t that where you pee from?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Why_?”

“Beats me. Because it’s ‘fun’?”

Dean glowered, feeling an unreasonable amount of personal affront for such a ridiculous, deviant device even existing. “That’s it, we’re leaving!”

Sam snatched hold of him before he could stomp off. “Dean! No, wait. Look, the vibrators and stuff are right there. We might as well look now we’ve come this far, right?”

Relenting, Dean allowed Sam to lead him over to the immense wall full of every type of object imaginable for inserting into a person’s orifices. They both gaped at the selection. 

Dean pointed at a fairly standard dildo that was about six inches long. “What the hell is someone supposed to do with that stupid little thing?”

“You know, that’s about average.”

“What? No way.”

Sam supposed that the only erect penises Dean had ever seen had been his own, Sam’s, a handful of guys in dark alleys while very drunk, and a shitload of porn. It wasn’t all that surprising that his perception was skewed. 

“Seriously.”

“Huh...No wonder I rocked every girl’s world.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Dean, you’re a sex god. Wanna pick out a toy to shove up your ass?”

“Man, shut up!” hissed Dean. “Someone might hear.”

“Right. Whereas if they only _saw_ you standing by a wall of dildos, they’d never guess.”

“Screw you. Why the hell are they all pink and sparkly?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” scoffed Sam, although Dean sort of had a point. “It’s just that, you know, some of them are probably for girls.”

“You’re telling me,” agreed Dean, plucking a glitzy vibrator off the wall and brandishing it at Sam’s face. “I know that I take it up the ass and everything, but this is just gay.”

Sam swatted the offending item away from where it was bumping at his chin. “Fine. Look, there must be a nice manly coloured one here somewhere.” Perhaps one in a camouflage shade...?

Somewhat sceptical that they made items for shoving up back passages in masculine colours, Dean scanned the wall. “There’s a black one. Wait, it’s _huge_. There’s another...Hey, how come all of the black ones are massive? Isn’t that racist or something?”

“Uh...” Sam wasn’t touching that question with a ten-inch dildo.

“What does this do?” wondered Dean, plucking a vibrator with a bewildering array of buttons off the wall hook. He experimentally pressed one and the device whirred to life, startling a yell out of Dean. He immediately dropped it and they watched in bounce and shudder across the floor, buzzing furiously and undulating at what looked like warp speed.

“Should I shoot it?”

“Maybe we should get one that doesn’t have any moving parts.”

“Good call. And let’s get a normal one, instead of a double. This whole thing’s way more complicated than I anticipated.”

“Right?”

“And no glitter.”

“Why not?” asked Sam with a smile, anticipating some macho posturing.

“Do you want to feel like you’re getting dicked by a clown? ‘Cause I sure don’t.”

The smile dropped like a stone off Sam’s face and he suddenly looked pallid and panicky. Dean _really_ hoped that he hadn’t inadvertently extended Sam’s phobia to glitzy sex toys and quickly changed the subject. 

Finally, after twenty minutes of bitching, arguing about size and then attempting to find a product that was a neutral colour, they managed to settle on a purchase. Which Dean left Sam to make, strolling off and attempting to look innocent, lest anyone get the silly idea that they were going to use the item together, the total asshat.

When the cashier asked him if he wanted a half-price cock-ring, Sam hollered the question over to his brother out of pure spite. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was really pleased that Dean wanted to try a sex toy. Whatever his overcompensating big brother liked to pretend, he was actually quite vanilla – and even Sam had to admit that not all of their attempts at new kinks had gone to plan. But he’d come a long way. Sam had wanted to stuff a rubber dick in him pretty much from day one, and had even bought a smallish dildo right at the beginning, with the intention of breaking Dean in gently before they had full sex. 

It had soon become obvious that Dean was _not_ on board with that plan. If finding the poor, unused dildo in the trash underneath the remains of their Chinese takeout hadn’t been enough of a clue, then Dean tackling him onto the bed and growling, “I want the real thing, so will you just man up and fuck me already?” certainly had been.

(Not that it had actually been as smooth and easy as all that, of course, but that was a story for another day.)

However, he’d finally changed his tune. Sam smiled at him as he settled himself on the bed, naked, and spread his thighs wantonly. He was evidently so fascinated with the new purchase that he’d completely forgotten that he’d originally wanted to stuff it in Sam. Not that Sam was going to remind him. 

He picked up the blue, cock-shaped silicone. “So,” he asked teasingly, “Are you ready to take it, baby?”

Dean flipped him the bird. “Shut up and get on with it, bitch.”

Shaking his head, Sam leaned down to kiss his brother, spreading out on top of him. When Dean moaned and began pushing at Sam’s clothes, he stripped down too and they spent a little while working up some heat. Sam kissed over Dean’s throat, thumbing at his nipples, and Dean wrapped his calves around Sam’s hips, pulling him in close so that their groins were grinding together. 

Sam’s eyes drifted closed and he cursed softly as Dean’s hand snaked between their bodies and circled around their shafts, rubbing their dicks together. 

“You like that, Sammy?” he grinned, and Sam bit down on his collarbone, soothing it with a sweep of his tongue. He reached down and insinuated one hand between Dean’s cheeks, the pads of his fingers circling Dean’s entrance and pressing against him, gently loosening him up and pushing just the barest bit inside.

They were lost in one another for a while, pushing into each other’s hands and thrusting lightly together, trading deep, wet kisses and panting softly. 

Sam’s mind was throwing out white noise, all of his concentration residing down south as warmth pooled in his belly and his cock strained in Dean’s hand. He was so ready to fuck, to just slide right in and – 

“So, you gonna lube up the toy?” asked Dean huskily.

“The wh...? Oh. Yeah, sure.” Right. Dildo. 

Pulling away with a quick kiss, Sam kneeled up and snatched up the tube of lube. He’d been working Dean open for a while, so he’d probably be okay to take the silicone, which was a little smaller than Sam’s dick. Sam found himself unreasonably, irrationally smug about that as he spread slick over the blue shaft.

“Come on,” said Dean, bending his knees and planting his feet on the bed. His cheeks were a little flushed, chest covered in a light sheen, and Sam had to remind himself that it wasn’t his turn to be inside yet.

Sam positioned the toy and began to push it into his brother. Seeing it disappear into Dean’s body, watching him cant his hips for the best angle and bite his lip against the full, almost-too-much sensation was as hot as hell. 

Just not as hot as doing it with his own prick and feeling all the fun from the inside.

“Fuck,” gasped Dean, hips arching off the bed and heels scrabbling against the covers. “Jesus, that’s...”

“What? What does it feel like?” asked Sam, pausing for a moment. His own cock jerked a little at the sight of Dean’s ass spread wide around the toy, rim stretched and smooth. 

“Different...It’s intense. It doesn’t yield like flesh does.” He opened his eyes and stared expectantly at Sam. “Well, don’t stop!”

“Okay, sorry!” Sam pushed the dildo the rest of the way in, perhaps slightly more forcefully than necessary, and Dean swore colourfully. Once he’d recovered, he shifted his pelvis and Sam got the idea, shallowly thrusting the toy and changing the angle until Dean sucked in a breath and groaned, legs involuntarily spreading wider.

Sam’s dick twitched again, and he couldn’t help but notice that, no matter how incredibly fucking hot the visual was, parts of him were feeling somewhat...neglected.

“Yeah...Fuck,” murmured Dean, grunting and bowing his back off the bed, pushing back against the toy. “Right there.”

Sam found himself glaring jealously at the dildo, the realisation dawning that there were some fairly serious drawbacks to playing with sex toys.

Dean palmed his dick and then looked at Sam through half-lidded eyes. “Touch me.”

Sam complied, feeling Dean’s thick flesh jump in his palm as he nailed his prostate with the dildo. His own balls were tight, a frustrated ache building, and it occurred to Sam that he couldn’t even jerk himself off because both of his hands were busy with Dean.

Well, that sucked.

“Harder, Sam. Just a little...Oh, God, yes! So hot,” gasped Dean, fucking himself on the toy.

Sam glowered at the ecstatic expression on Dean’s face. Dean was getting off on a dick that wasn’t Sam’s. It was pretty much like cheating, actually. 

Sam rammed the toy in extra hard.

“Ow!” hissed Dean, eyes flying open. “Careful.”

“Sorry,” lied Sam. Sighing, he resumed his previous motion, irritated by Dean’s low moan and the way he caught his bottom lip between his teeth. He was only supposed to do that when Sam was fucking him!

Dean’s hips were rotating slightly as he ground down on the toy and then back up into Sam’s fist. He was clearly having a great time.

Sam, on the other hand, was not only pissed off but really quite bored. And his wrist was starting to ache; in fact, he was probably going to end up with repetitive strain injury or something. He looked down and noticed that his erection was wilting away.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

“This isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be.”

“Are you crazy?” he asked, not opening his eyes or ceasing his movement. “This is awesome.”

Sam felt a flash of indignation. “Awesome? What, like, more awesome than me fucking you?”

Dean finally looked up at Sam, face creased in confusion. “What? No, but...”

“I mean, is the dildo better than me? Do you like the shape more?”

Dean smirked. “Oh my God. You’re jealous.”

“ _What_?!” squawked Sam. “No, I’m not. Don’t be a moron.”

“Aw...baby. You know nothin’ fills me up like you do,” purred Dean – and he was being an ass, of course he was, but Sam still sort of felt a bit better.

“Well, can I fill you up right now?” he asked. 

Dean looked at his softened cock. “Not with that useless, floppy thing.”

“Dean!” 

Dean snickered, running an apologetic hand around the back of Sam’s neck and drawing him down for a kiss. “Okay, come on. Get that monster of yours all fired up and show the dildo how it’s done...”

Sam smiled, closing his teeth over Dean’s jaw in a quick nip and lying on top of him, grinding against his thigh. It didn’t take long before his neglected dick perked right back up, raring to go.

“Yeah, that’s it,” breathed Dean, wrapping his thighs around his brother’s ass. “Gonna be so much better to have something real behind the thrusts.”

“Yeah?” asked Sam, flushing slightly with pleasure. “You’d prefer it was me than some toy?”

“Of course, Sammy,” said Dean, kissing him heatedly. “You get me hotter than anything. Now, if you’ve finished having your ego stoked, can you please hurry up and fuck me already?”

Sam chuckled and reached between them to ease the dildo out of Dean’s ass and replace it with his cock. Dean hissed as it was pulled free and then they both moaned at the long, slow side of Sam’s shaft. 

“Fuck yeah,” groaned Dean. “That’s...Wait, don’t throw it away!”

Sam paused with his hand clutching the toy in mid-air, over the side of the bed. “Excuse me?”

“Just...leave it on the bed. If you chuck it on the floor in this place it’ll get filthy.”

“So?”

“Well...We might need it. Sometime.”

Dean’s eyes shifted slightly to the side, belying his ultra-casual tone. The complete tool wanted to keep the dildo! Sam would show him.

With a low growl, Sam tossed the toy somewhere up near the head of the bed and fucked hard into his brother, making him cry out with the intense pleasure. Oh yeah, he’d teach him why it was a lot more fun to have two-hundred-odd pounds of Winchester behind the thrusts.

It was a lesson Dean didn’t mind learning in the least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam and Dean were awoken the next morning by a sharp knock on the door, followed immediately by the sound of a key card in the slot. They’d fallen into a fuck coma the previous night and forgotten to hang the ‘do not disturb’ sign out.

It was so rare for them to be interrupted by a maid that, before they’d had time to fully process what the noise was, their bodies were reacting instinctively.

Sam rolled off the bed, reaching for the gun he’d left on the nightstand.

Dean’s hand clutched his bowie knife tight and he whipped it out from underneath his pillow, brandishing it menacingly at the startled maid.

Except, it wasn’t his knife.

The unfortunate lady clapped a hand across her mouth, eyes bugging out, as she realised that she was being threatened by a fairly large dildo. 

Dean looked at the item in question, at least as shocked as the maid. “Uh...”

“Dean!” hissed Sam, as if his brother might not have noticed that he was pointing a rubber cock at a poor, unsuspecting member of the general public. 

Looking between the two of them, the maid gave a little squeal and hurriedly rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Dean cleared his throat, carefully placing the toy on the bed. “Well, that was awkward.”

“A fat lot of use you’d be if someone really was attacking us,” pointed out Sam. “I mean, what were you gonna do? Poke our enemies to death?”

“I didn’t grab the dildo on purpose, Sam,” pointed out Dean irritably. “It was just...handy.” Had he been clutching hold of it all night? Ew. That thing had been in his ass!

“What, you were cuddling it?” snapped Sam, and Dean just stared at him, confused about his obvious bitchy resentment. “Well,” he continued, nostrils flaring, “you clearly can’t be trusted with it. I’m throwing it in the trash.”

“ _What?_ No, you can’t...Sam. Sam, no! Let go!”

For a few moments they had a ridiculous tug of war, Dean only releasing the toy because it suddenly dawned on him that it was _sticky_ and he didn’t want to think about why. 

He gaped in outrage as Sam flounced over to the trashcan and dropped it inside with a resounding clunk, swiping his hands together afterwards in an unbearably self-satisfied way. 

Glaring, Dean got up off the bed and stalked over, bending down and retrieving the dildo with a flourish. 

“Dean. Seriously...”

“Seriously, what? You’re not throwing away my plastic dick! I might need it.”

“What the fuck for?! You have me!”

“You’re not always there!”

Sam scowled blackly at him. “You are such a slut.”

Dean’s jaw ticked, but he simply shrugged and said, “Right. Which is why I need this.”

Sam seethed at him for a moment and then abruptly snatched the toy out of his hand with his massive, overgrown paw. “Right, that’s it!”

“Sam, what are you doing. Hey! Oh no, don’t you _dare_...”

Sam opened the door and dramatically tossed the dildo out of the motel room...and right into the face of the motel manager, who was accompanying the maid to find out exactly why she’d complained about being threatened with a sex toy. He gave an outraged yowl as it bounced off his nose.

“Oh, shit! I’m _so_ sorry,” stammered Sam. Seeing the murderous glare in the man’s eyes, he quickly slammed the door shut and turned back to Dean, who was laughing so hard that he needed to hold onto the dresser for support. “Uh, we need to go.”

Dean nodded, wiping tears from his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The manager and the maid had stomped back to the office to put in a call to the local police station, which gave Sam and Dean just enough time to escape.

They were halfway through peeling out of the parking lot when Dean suddenly braked hard, skidding along the gravel.

“Woah! What the fuck, man?” complained Sam, peeling his face off the inside of the windshield.

“Hold on.”

“Dean! Where are you going?!” demanded Sam as his brother tore out of the car, leaving the door open and the engine running.

A few seconds later he hopped back in, throwing his dildo – now looking somewhat the worse for wear, covered in dirt and engine grease – onto Sam’s lap.

“Ew! Gross, Dean!”

Dean floored the accelerator, the car screaming past the office window almost too fast for them to register the manager waving his fists at them. “We paid good money for that, dude. And you never leave a fallen soldier behind!”

Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother, but said nothing. He could bide his time.

There was a bridge on the way out of town – and a hundred foot drop below it. Let Dean try and rescue his new best friend from _that_. 

Sex toys were officially off the menu.

  
  
THE END


End file.
